7 Personality Traits of a Great Leader

The qualities of skillful leadership

Jim Rohn

If you want to be a leader who attracts quality people, the key is to become a person of quality yourself. Leadership is the ability to attract someone to the gifts, skills and opportunities you offer as an owner, as a manager, as a parent. Jim Rohn calls leadership the great challenge of life.

What’s important in leadership is refining your skills. All great leaders keep working on themselves until they become effective. Here’s how:

1. Learn to be strong but not rude. It is an extra step you must take to become a powerful, capable leader with a wide range of reach. Some people mistake rudeness for strength. It’s not even a good substitute.

2. Learn to be kind but not weak. We must not mistake kindness for weakness. Kindness isn’t weak. Kindness is a certain type of strength. We must be kind enough to tell somebody the truth. We must be kind enough and considerate enough to lay it on the line. We must be kind enough to tell it like it is and not deal in delusion.

3. Learn to be bold but not a bully. It takes boldness to win the day. To build your influence, you’ve got to walk in front of your group. You’ve got to be willing to take the first arrow, tackle the first problem, discover the first sign of trouble.

4. You’ve got to learn to be humble but not timid. You can’t get to the high life by being timid. Some people mistake timidity for humility. Humility is almost a God-like word. A sense of awe. A sense of wonder. An awareness of the human soul and spirit. An understanding that there is something unique about the human drama versus the rest of life. Humility is a grasp of the distance between us and the stars, yet having the feeling that we’re part of the stars. So humility is a virtue, but timidity is a disease. Timidity is an affliction. It can be cured, but it is a problem.

5. Be proud but not arrogant. It takes pride to win the day. It takes pride to build your ambition. It takes pride in community. It takes pride in a cause, in accomplishment. But the key to becoming a good leader is being proud without being arrogant. In fact, I believe the worst kind of arrogance is arrogance from ignorance. It’s when you don’t know that you don’t know. Now that kind of arroganceis intolerable. If someone is smart and arrogant, we can tolerate that. But if someone is ignorant and arrogant, that's just too much to take.

6. Develop humor without folly. That’s important for a leader. In leadership, we learn that it’s OK to be witty, but not silly. It’s OK to be fun, but not foolish.

7. Lastly, deal in realities. Deal in truth. Save yourself the agony. Just accept life like it is. Life is unique. Some people call it tragic, but I’d like to think it’s unique. The whole drama of life is unique. It’s fascinating. And I’ve found that the skills that work well for one leader may not work at all for another. But the fundamental skills of leadership can be adapted to work well for just about everyone: at work, in the community, and at home.

acts of kindness

• Volunteer to set up, decorate, register guests, serve lunch, or sell raffle tickets at a community event for the elderly, students, or a nonprofit organization.
• Sort, wrap, organize, or deliver holiday presents for people who can’t do it themselves.
• Celebrate senior citizens or students by having a special holiday dinner. Set up the dining room, prepare and serve dinner, visit, and play holiday games.
• Prepare treats for neighbors, emergency workers, mail carriers, coworkers, military personnel, or other community members, along with a note of appreciation. Before mailing packages or letters to military service personnel, contact your local American Red Cross chapter for current procedures and regulations.
• “Adopt” a family, child, or senior citizen and spend time with them, especially during the winter holidays.
• Call an animal shelter and find out what donations they need. Collect things like treats, food, first aid supplies, toys, cat litter, and blankets for the homeless animals.
• For a charity, volunteer to distribute or deliver clothes, food, and gifts.
• Dress up as a holiday helper and visit neighbors and friends.
• Make or teach holiday crafts.
• Mentor, tutor, or teach youth, especially before final exams.
• Organize, clean up, or provide entertainment for holiday parties and get-togethers.
• Give a donation to a charity as a gift for someone who already has everything.
• Donate gift certificates to be given to families in need during the holidays.
• Volunteer for a meal delivery service. Bring kindness and warmth, as well as food, to the homebound.
• Collect coats, hats, gloves, socks, scarves, boots or other warm items for the various homeless shelters to be distributed before the cold sets in.
• Delay adopting a dog or cat until a couple of weeks after the winter holidays. Just like other gift returns, far too many dogs and cats offered as presents end up in animal shelters.
• Visit a neighbor and help him or her prepare for the holidays.
• Help decorate a senior center or an elementary school for the winter holidays.
• Sing or carol throughout your neighborhood.
• Volunteer at an animal shelter or pet-sit for a neighbor during the holiday season.
• Organize a diverse holiday exhibit or parade to kick off the holiday season. Showcase different celebrations, such as Kwanzaa, Christmas, Hanukkah, and Ramadan.
• Plan and help with holiday activities for homeless children.
• Participate in family-oriented activities, such as helping together in a soup kitchen or sponsoring a homeless family.
• Design and send homemade holiday cards and send them to people in the military, homeless shelters, or nursing homes.
• Perform acts of kindness rather than buying gifts.
• Provide transportation for elderly neighbors to help with their holiday gift or grocery shopping.
• Serve holiday meals at a shelter, soup kitchen, community center, or faith organization.
• Put together a notebook and fill it with holiday kindness stories. Share these treasures with your peers and family.
• Cut out the pictures from holiday greeting cards, and send them to a charity that uses them for projects.
• Help an elderly neighbor or nursing home resident with holiday decorations.
• Give police and fire dept thanks

• Send cards or letters of appreciation to people you read about in the news who have done good deeds. Send kind thoughts to people you hear about in your community who have suffered a setback.
• Provide homework help to younger relatives or neighbors.
• Create art or crafts, such as quilts, afghans, or baby blankets, and donate them to be auctioned or given away by a nonprofit organization or group.
• Sew comfort items for the police trauma unit or a children’s hospital. Traumatized children and pediatric cancer patients appreciate small quilts or stuffed animals for cuddling. Chemotherapy patients often need head coverings.
• Write a kind note to relatives and friends, letting them know why they are special.
• Create photo albums for your family and friends to remind them of special times.
• Help a neighbor or friend who has lost a job write a resumé or cover letter.
• Gather a collection of kindness stories from friends and relatives. Copy these stories and give the collection as a gift.
• Communicate by e-mail with a friend, sharing kindness stories and your current kindness projects.

Active Listening

Paraphrase people and repeat back to them what they just said.

One of the most positive ways to influence others is to show them that you really understand how they feel, that you have real empathy for them. One of the most effective ways to do this is by paraphrasing what they say and repeating it back to them, also known as reflective listening. Studies have shown that when therapists used reflective listening, people were likely to disclose more emotion and have a much better therapeutic relationship with the therapist.

This easily transfers over to talking to your friends. If you listen to what they say, and rephrase it as a question to confirm that you understood it, they are going to be more comfortable talking with you. They are also going to have a better friendship with you and be more likely to listen to what you have to say, because you showed that you care about them.

Building Rapport

Trick: Don’t correct people when they are wrong.

Dale Carnegie also pointed out in his famous book that telling someone they are wrong is usually unnecessary and does the opposite of endearing them to you. There is actually a way to show disagreement and turn it into a polite conversation without telling someone they are wrong, which strikes to the core of their ego. This is called the Ransberger Pivot, invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea behind it is pretty simple: instead of arguing, listen to what they have to say, and then seek to understand how they feel and why. Then you explain the common ground that you share with them, and use that as a starting point to explain your position. This makes them much more likely to listen to what you have to say, and allows you to correct them without them losing face.

Mirroring

Mirroring is also known as mimicry, and is something that some people do naturally. People with this skill are considered to be chameleons; they try to blend into their environment by copying other people’s behaviors, mannerisms and even speech patterns. However, this skill can also be used consciously, and is a great way to make you more likable.

Researchers studied mimicry, and found that those who had been mimicked were much more likely to act favorably toward the person who had copied them. Even more interesting was their second find that those who had someone mimic their behavior were actually nicer and more agreeable to others in general—even those not involved in the situation. It is likely that the reason why this works is that mirroring someone’s behavior makes them feel validated. While this validation is likely to be most positively associated with the person who validated them, they will feel greater self-esteem and thus be more confident, happier and well disposed towards others.

7 Dangers to human virtue

40 Simple Ways to Practice Kindness

1. Smiles are irresistible. Don't hesitate to smile warmly at friends, family, colleagues and even...strangers.
2. Write hand-written thank-you notes. The notes don't need to be an essay and people love to receive them. It's the personal touch.
3. If you use public transport, it's busy and there are no free seats, be the first to stand-up and let a weary traveller, pregnant woman or elderly person take rest.
4. Pay it forward - When you are in a coffee shop or café , maybe you could buy a coffee or cake in advance for the next customer that comes in. How tasty! Imagine what a sweet surprise that person will get when they discover that a kind stranger has paid it forward for them.
5. When you see a homeless person, think about how you might be able to help them in some way. Buy a nutritious lunch. Ask them if there is anything that they need. Give them a warm coat. Share a conversation. Spend some time. Listen. Engage.
6. That thing you're going to sell. Why not give it away for free?
7. Send flowers unexpectedly. No reason needed. Just because.
8. Hold doors open. Even for people who are a little further away from the door than usual.
9. Make your colleagues/classmates a hot-drink. Expect nothing in return. Well...maybe some doughnuts.
10. Speaking of doughnuts...why not buy a bag full and share them out in all directions.
11. Pay compliments.
12. Does someone owe you money? Forgive the debt.
13. When a person is talking to you _really_ listen to them.
14. Pass books on, especially the good ones or leave them in public places for others to find.
15. Ask elderly neighbours if they need anything doing.
16. Tell your loved ones that you love them. Regularly.
17. When you are served in a shop, bar, restaurant etc, make eye contact and sincerely thank the employee for their help.
18. Put coins in a meter, any meter, that's about to expire.
19. If you know that someone is particularly busy, offer to take their dog for a walk.
20. When a thought of generosity arises within you, act on it. Don't hold back. This is important.
21. If someone is struggling with money problems, find a way to secretly help them if you can. If not secretly, out in front.
22. Take a friend to dinner.
23. Stand up for others.
24. Stop complaining.
25. Standing in a queue? Let someone go before you.
26. Tell someone that they look nice.
27. Volunteer some time to help a charity or perhaps a homeless shelter.
28. Stop speaking ill of others. Let your words be kind.
29. Forgive a driver for their error on the road or their road rage directed at you.
30. Recycle.
31. Think of the people in your life...what help do they need with chores or tasks? Don't wait to be asked.
32. Be the calm voice in a stressful situation.
33. Donate to your favourite charity.
34. Spend some time with a senior citizen living on their own.
35. Teach a child something you wish you knew at that age.
36. If a friend or family member is having a hard time, make sure they know that you are there for them and are available to talk and help.
37. Give Blood.
38. Donate to or volunteer for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
39. Encourage someone to pursue their dream.
40. "Please" and "Thank You."